They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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