there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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