He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
