I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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