Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
