Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
