I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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