I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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