Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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