I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
