Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
