bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
