I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
