Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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