Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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