Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just had sex on a roof
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
