hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
