I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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