this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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