if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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