Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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