I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
