forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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