I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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