Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize