Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
