Define "chronic" masturbator.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
