I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
