I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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