I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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