This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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