woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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