if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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