I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Randomize
