i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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