I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
