I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
there is puke in my bra ... again
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