I smell stomach acid.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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