oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It's official drugs can't kill me
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize