omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
