my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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