we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
