Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Mom said you looked used
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
And then my night got REAL pukey
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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