and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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