Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
