Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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