I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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