Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize