Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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