Sober January is a disaster.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
