ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
