This girl is more easily done than said...
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize