I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
