just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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