Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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