i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
