Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
