He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
