lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
