Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
