Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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