So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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