Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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