That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
