so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
