Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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