I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
