Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Terrible idea I love it
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize