Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
