38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
