dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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