So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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