Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
