you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
