And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
our cab driver is having phone sex.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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