She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
