hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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