I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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