remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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