so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
