Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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