obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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