the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
