never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
