Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
