u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Randomize
