He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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